ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
