Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How naked do you want me to be?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
