btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
