she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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