Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
