when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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