Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
