dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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