i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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