The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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