i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
