got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
