If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
