Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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