Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
