I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
