So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
