i wish my penis had a tongue
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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