did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize