Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
