you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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