Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
