you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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