Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
