I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize