Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
