god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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