the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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