Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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