Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
