Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
