I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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