We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
