So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
