I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
