he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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