I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think my moral compass just broke
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
