if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I CAN MOONWALK!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
