I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
