We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
