Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
