I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
