You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
