My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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