I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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