I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
