What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
