Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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