drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize