Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
