He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am one with the molecules
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
