That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize