How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
