he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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