brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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