i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize