OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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