it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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