We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
