I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
