I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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