My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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