in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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