oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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