if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
