Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
