You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
