too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
