I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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