Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
