dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
