if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
