Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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